Easier Said Than Done: Learning to Forgive

By: Payton M. Ishmael

“I hate you!” I still remember the day I spoke the piercing words to my mother. It was just another day that I didn’t get my way. Combined with all the pain she’d caused me, I believed my words were true. Our relationship was one tainted by drugs, neglect and lies among a host of other hurts.

Bitterness, jealousy, and hate found their resting place within me as a preteen. What I assumed was revenge on my mother and guarding myself from going through anymore of her deceit, turned out to be a spiritual disease of the heart. It affected my thought process and infected every relationship in my life.

I guess it was when I moved to Oklahoma that I was finally able to shut her out of my life enough that she could no longer let me down or disappoint me anymore. I just didn’t care. In place of all the feelings I once held towards her, was now a great void called ‘unforgiveness.’

“Create in me a clean heart, oh God,” I cried out in desperation from the chaotic mess my life was in. That’s when issues, some I never even knew I had, began to surface. Among the many was the unforgiveness that jaded my heart.

You see, as long as we hold onto these detrimental grudges, that section of our life is incapable of being filled with something the Lord wants to give us. It took me laying down my guard and my pride, but I expressed to my mother how I’d felt for so many years. I gave her a glimpse of the scars she caused on my heart. It was then that I began to see I was guilty of reciprocating hurt to her, only in much different ways. I avoided her when she was diagnosed with cancer. I refused to inform her of anything taking place in my life. I showed blatant disrespect to the very person who birthed me into this world.

I went to my mother seeking an apology so that I could rid myself of the unforgiveness. (Col 3:14) Instead, the healing began only as I confessed my wrong-doings. I’ve placed so much blame on her imperfections as a mother that I’ve overlooked my failures a daughter.

I’m not perfect. My mother is not perfect, and guess what else... you're not perfect either. If any of us were, there would be no need for forgiveness. We get hurt and we hurt others, whether intentional or unaware. So what do we do? We forgive. There's an amazing healing power that comes through the act of forgiveness.

Don't let unforgiveness become the captor of your heart. Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more. (Matt 18:21-22) The rewards and replacements of unforgiveness are immeasurable. Let it go and let he Lord refill you with something a new.

Written for House of Prayer newsletter: April 4, 2010