Be Still & Know: Sometimes We Progress the Most When We're Not Moving at All

By: Payton M. Ishmael
Panic. Despair. Confusion. Seeking answers. Longing for guidance. Begging for direction. Bowed before the King, impatiently looking to Him for the next step. “Now what, God? Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to say? Who do you want me to be? Which do you want me to choose? When do you want me to proceed? Why me? Why this?”
I’ve spent the last couple of months rekindle a relationship of intimacy with my King; Learning to let go of things that don’t matter, and instead fixing my attention on things with eternal value. The paragraph above paints a picture of my previous prayer life. I was an emotional basket case who feared the unknown and spent every moment of prayer seeking, “what’s next?”
Then something began to stir within me. My prayers ceased coming from my mind just as yellow ‘under construction’ tape wrapped itself around my heart. Now, as the Lord works on my heart, he has given my soul peace. I simply want to bask in His presence. I don’t need to know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I still want the Lord’s guidance and I wish it was easier for me to listen and heed his direction. However, knowing the ‘next step’ is no longer the primary meditation of my heart.
Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God.” Wow! What a joy to take delight in simply knowing that God is in control. It doesn’t matter what the next minute of the day brings. For so long, my prayer has been a one way street. I talk and talk and talk and talk. Rarely do I take the time to listen, and never have I made a habit of enjoying being in His presence.
One of my closest girlfriends and I joke that we know we know we’ve become great friends because we can sit outsides, each reading books; never talking but spending time together nonetheless. Now that I simply spend the time to ‘be still and know…’ I’ve seen more progress in my relationship with Christ than I ever did when it was one-way communication. “Prayer requires more of the heart than the tongue.” –Adam Clarke

Love, Schmove: When the Going Gets Tough, Get Tougher

By: Payton M. Ishmael
Okay, okay, okay! I admit it. As the elusive Saint Valentine’s Day began to sneak up on us, I cringed at the sight of Cupid (a half naked cherub), rose (which die in less than a week), and chocolate (I don’t even like chocolate). What’s the point? And for the anti-Valentine, what in the good Heavens can I write about in the paper to enlighten a church full of loving people? That’s when ‘KISS’ popped into my mind. Now we’re talking. The acronym stands for “Keep It Simple, Silly.” With simplicity in mind, I flipped over to the chapter of Love; I Cor. 13 with every intention to write a cliché article on how to love. After reading the chapter over 3 times, I changed my mind.
“Baby girl, you’re going to have to toughen up a little,” Poppy still tells me. Guess what church! Being a Christian does not make life on this Earth easy. It doesn’t exempt you from being hurt by the words and actions of the people around you. In fact, with the whole arrangement about how we’re supposed to lay down our pride and be humble… we might even be more susceptible to having our feelings hurt. So what do you do? You toughen up! Flex your muscles, grit your teeth, and face the issue head on. Now, that might work for some of you, but meet me after church and ask me to flex… for comedic relief.
I hear people say “you can mess with me, but don’t mess with my kids!” I don’t have kids, so I’m going to stick with “you can mess with me, but don’t mess with my baby brother.” It’s all the same, I can get frustrated with my loved ones, but don’t you dare.
We can’t fight our own battles every single tie. We must hold the Master’s hand and trust in His provisions and His guidance. Additionally, we must look out for our own. I Cor. 13 says ‘love protects’. I can recall many a time when my family came to my rescue. Poppy even had words with one of my former coaches. When we love people, we have a natural instinct to protect them from all harm. See, love doesn’t have to be all sappy after all.

Written February 14, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 5

All My Heart's Desires: Sometimes the 'Wanter' Simply Won't Break

By: Payton M. Ishmael

“I wish someone would break your ‘wanter’,” my grandparents have told me since infancy. I’m not sure if it’s true, but they tease that my first word was ‘maw-mart’ which is Paytonese for “Wal-Mart.” Just like you, there are things that I wish for. I feel certain that I could fill this entire newsletter with my current wish list; books for my Kindle, a sports car, a new Burberry bag and maybe some Chanel shoes would be first in line. For these things, and those similar, our wisest game plan is to cut frivolous spending and save, save, save.
There are different types of wants, however, that can’t be written on a list nor purchased from a store. Instead these longings fulfill the desires of hearts. Although they do not trump our basic needs for survival like air, food and water they nonetheless provide fulfillment to our lives. These ‘desires’ bring about long-term joy while those afore mentioned ‘wants’ bring only temporary satisfaction.
When I was young, I could nag relentlessly I hopes of attaining my latest ‘want.’ I see this with kids today too. After the initial ‘no’ there’s at least 10 minutes of pleased and often deal-making. I’m amazed at the long list of chores kids will commit to in order to get their way. Please remind me when I have children to hold out as long as I can… free house keeping.
Our hearts’ wishes, though, don’t work this way. No amount of begging, pleading, nagging, or promise making will provide the things our souls long for. The cure for loneliness can’t be purchased. The mending for a broken heart can’t be granted by our favorite aunt. The direction for a lofty goal can’t be achieved through even the most Godly pastor. Guidance through the tangled webs we weave doesn’t come from mommy, daddy, sister nor husband. In fact, it’s much easier than that. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
I urge you to hear me out even if you don’t ever listen to me again. When you allow the Lord to take residence in your heart, everything else falls perfectly and divinely into place.

Written February , 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 4

Prayer Changes Things: A Time-Old Cliche That Still Rings True Today

By: Payton M. Ishmael

Hanging in my kitchen is a sign that reads, “Prayer Changes Things.” It seems like an obvious response to that time-old saying is simply, “Well, duh!” If you operate the way I do, however, many things in life are easier said than done.
It seems the world is always searching; searching for acceptance, searching for love, searching for fortune. Others search aimlessly, not quite certain of what they’re looking for but positive that something is missing and longing to be fulfilled with the unknown ‘missing piece’.
I have self-diagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I thrive on planning, structure, and routine. As a teenager, I had life figured out completely. I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life and worked with great determination to make it happen. I like to be in control, I think I inherited that from your lovely pastor’s wife. Fortunately, my control over my life and my perfectly thought-out plans turned in to a heap of trouble and a mess far too big for me to clean up. “Where can I go but to the Lord?”
I’ve always believe d in the power of prayer, but when times get tough and life gets hard, why does it take being at my wits end before I get on my knees?
I’m truly amazed by God. I stand in awe at His willingness to listen to us. When I need something, I have people that I confide in… Poppy, Anna, and my dad are excellent to listen to me and to provide guidance but there’s a delay in communication even today’s modern world. There’s always the risk of human error I their advice. How truly blessed are we that our Father knows our prayers before we even speak them? How incredibly fortunate are we to serve a gracious God who puts us in the right spot at the perfect time?
We approach the throne of grace clad indifferent life experiences. Some of us are filled with bitterness, hate, or jealous. Many of us seek repair for broken hearts or divine healing. Don’t let your troubled spirit be weary my brothers and sisters, prayer changes things. Don’t expect to leave the altar unchanged.

Written January 31, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 3

Don't Act Your Age: Approaching Life With Child-Like Faith

By: Payton M. Ishmael

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe with Faith Like a Child
– Jars of Clay

Who knew that life lessons could be learned from a week’s worth of adventures with a 2 and 6-year-old! Particularly enlightening were the conquered feats of the wobbling 2-year old. In celebration of his 2nd birthday, his father bought him a battery-operated 4-wheeler that clearly stated, “Not for children under 3.” To my surprise, however, he drove the machine like a professional. Someone forgot to tell him he wasn’t old enough to be capable to drive that 4-wheeler.
All good things must come to an end. Unfortunately for the kiddos, this includes play-time. As both children pouted their way inside the house, the 4-wheeler was subsequently parked in the hall way. The 2-year old wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer, as most of you have probably experienced before. Instead, he proceeded to push the 4-wheeler up and down the hall. Someone forgot to tell him he wasn’t strong enough to move a 4-wheeler.
There are many instances where a person has achieved great things after being told they weren’t fast enough, smart enough, strong enough, or capable. You’ve already heard the multitude of celebrities, among the ranks of Michael Jordan. These people are the exception, not the rule. I can only imagine the triumphs if “I can’t” and “you can’t” were non-existent. Since, instead, they are a part of our daily speech, we have to choose to ignore this language of defeat and choose to have faith like a child.
Having child-like faith isn’t only beneficial, it’s necessary. “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of Heaven.” Matt. 18:3 We are capable of so much more than we expect of ourselves and far more than what others think. Forget the limitations and boundaries that have been placed around your potential. Instead, approach like a child believing that “with God, all things are possible.” Matt. 19:26
Reconstruct your thought process. Think more like the 2-year-old conquering feats of a 3 year old on a 4-wheeler. “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.” Matt: 18:4 Strive for greatness. Have faith like that of a brave, 2-year-old conqueror.

Written March 20, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 10

Our Time is Limited: Making a Difference With Those Our Paths Cross

By: Payton M. Ishmael

“We don’t know how long we have with these kids,” said my principal from last year. I landed my first, official teaching job as a middle school English teacher at Glenview Christian School. Being a private school, our turnover rate was abnormally high. The desire for parents to provide their children with a competitive education increased enrollment numbers just as a shattering economy caused some to withdraw. In the weekly staff meeting, the principal always emphasized, “We don’t know how long we have these kids.”
This week has brought a whole new meaning to that. Think about all the people you meet each day; whether it’s a passing ‘hello’, a quick conversation, or an in-depth talk. If you’re like me, you think nothing of it. In reality, each of these instances has the possibility to change someone’s life.
A TCU girl was found dead in her home early in the week. At the time of writing this, an official cause of death still has not been issued. Although I do not know this student, our paths have crossed. We share common acquaintances and we have met. Her death leaves an entire organization of women wondering, “What could I have done?”
You see, comparable to the high turnover rate at the small, private, Christian school I taught at last year is the high turnover of the people who come in and out of our lives. Facing reality and coming out of the ‘bubble’ we like to live in will enlighten any one of us to think to a deeper thought of, “How can I help this person? What can I do to show this stranger that I care?”
By showing kindness and love, another person’s life could be completely changed. We’re not all-knowing. There’s no way to even fathom what other people are facing. It seems more times than not, those facing the greatest trials are those who remain the quietest. It’s important to reach out to those people, to seek out and comfort broken hearts, to encourage those feel like giving up and to love those who feel completely unlovable.

Written January 24, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 2

Reframing Eve: Memoirs from Me

By: Payton M. Ishmael

Dear Eve,
I’m truly irritated by you. Because of your life-changing bad decision, I change into 8 different outfits every morning before I leave the house. Additionally, I understand that I will be in excruciating pain IF I ever procreate.
Sincerely, Payton

I’m in the midst of reading Twelve Extraordinary Women. Please imagine the initial disgust that I felt when I read that Eve was selected by this obviously confused author. …and then I read about her.

I imagine that Eve was beautiful. I bet she was perfectly toned, had flawless skin, and no split-ends. However, I couldn’t find any physical descriptions of her in the Bible. In fact, judging by the information that is included about her, I’d say that being God’s ‘ideal woman’ has nothing to do with outward appearance, but with character.

Eve was a ‘source of joy and gladness to her husband.’ I don’t think many women can boast the same. She completed Adam’s existence. Wow! That alone seems admirable to me. Then, we know Eve had Cain, Abel, and Seth. Three kids may seem like a lot of labor, but we learn in Genesis 5:4 that after Seth, Adam lived 800 years and had sonS and daughterS (emphasis added). I’m no Bible scholar, but I assume that means Eve birthed quite a few kiddos. Lord bless her! Can we get an ‘amen’ from all the mothers?

I don’t have to tell you that Eve got herself into a little predicament. The further she strayed from Adam’s side, the more she was tempted. There’s a lesson to be learned here, even today. The further we stray from the Lord’s side, the more we will be tempted. It’s as simple as that. As a result of my new found knowledge on Eve, I decided to rewrite my letter.

Dear Eve,
Many congrats on birthing a family and populating the Earth. I want you to know that even though you have a bad rap for eating the forbidden fruit, I still think you’ve proven to be quite a stand-up woman. I read all about your temptation. I don’t agree with your decision, but I understand the struggle between knowing what’s right and doing what’s wrong. I don’t know how many people could have stood their ground under such great temptation. Additionally, the whole idea of being a ‘helper’ to your husband and being submissive to his leadership is almost a lost art in this modern day world. Kudos to you Eve!
Sincerely, Payton

Written March 14, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 9

Introducing: Me. Welcome to my Blog

“You must overcome your heredity,” my grandfather, whom I call Poppy told me my entire life. I’m the product of teenage passion. Growing up, I lived two very different lifestyles. There was Payton Michele, the poor girl on free-lunch who lived in the projects and starved for attention when I was with my mother. Then, there was the pampered princess with high expectations, a Godly raising, and the latest designer handbag with my father and his side of the family. Inspired by my double lifestyle, I use my family's expectations and my personal fear of failing as the fuel for my success.

I can’t exactly remember where my story began. The memories of my childhood are comparable to a slice of Swiss cheese. All the happy times remain, while the struggles eat away little holes at an otherwise piece of perfection. After my parents divorced, I had to be ‘a big girl.’ To me, being a big girl wasn’t as simplistic as putting my toys away. Instead, I felt an inherent need to take care of Landon, my epileptic baby brother. I had the mentality that you could pick on me all you wanted, but if you wanted to degrade Landon, I was willing to be like David facing the giant. Three physical retaliations and three days of in-school suspension later, Landon’s bullies knew that he wasn’t to be messed with.

Don’t be fooled, I wasn’t ‘Miss Tough Stuff.’ There was still my other way of life embellished with happy memories. With my grandparents, Anna and Poppy, are some of the most precious pastimes; Falling asleep curled up with Poppy in his study, licking the spoon while Anna baked all my favorite desserts, traveling the world and countless heart-to-heart talks that not only allowed my dear grandparents to give me guidance, but allowed me to grow both spiritually and mentally. Pastors, mentors and best friends, I consider them to this day. Joy also came via my daddy. We have the most unique relationship of any father/daughter duo in the world, and I say that proudly. As a little girl, he read Three Billy Goats Gruff to me over and over and over. I feel certain he has the story memorized and he probably deserves at least partial credit for my obsessive reading habit. Since then, he has been a silent, steady support in all my life’s endeavors. Although his words of wisdom come seldom, they speak volumes when spoken. In addition to this vital trio, is a host of friends and family who have helped shaped ‘Payton.’

The timeline of my life is most easily measured by educational achievements. There was the thrill of reading in kindergarten when I finally conquered the word O.K. After weeks of pronouncing the word ‘ock’, I deemed myself a genius when it finally registered as ‘okay.’ In second grade, I learned that creative writing wasn’t just my favorite subject, but it was a strength, a passion and an avenue of release to express the heartache and happiness my soul felt. Shortly after this discovery, I ‘published’ my first book. It was about a bunny; I dedicated and gifted it to Anna and Poppy. Bouncing around from school to school with each of my mother’s marriages helped me develop a knack for making friends quickly. This was crucial throughout the sixth grade. In seventh grade, I finally settled into Edgewood, Texas and remained there throughout high school graduation.

Junior high and high school was the same for me as it is for most east Texas teenagers; awkward, dramatic and full of planning for the next step. I decided my next step would be to attend college at Lee University. To get acquainted with the campus, I participated in the University’s Summer Honors program. The summer before my senior year of high school, I lived in a dorm in Tennessee and began my college courses. In addition to learning how to apply the Bible to pop culture and how to communicate with the opposite sex, I also learned that I didn’t want to spend four of the most of important years of my life in Cleveland, Tennessee. The next year was one of chaos, confusion and indecision as I searched and prayed for God’s will in my life. I feel certain that I ‘donated’ deposits to a handful of institutions with intentions of attending for my undergraduate education. My grandparents saved the day once again when they sent me to Europe in the summer of 2003. I can’t remember if I was high atop a mountain in Switzerland, strolling along the streets of Berlin, or sitting at an outdoor café in the heart of Rome when I discovered a little more about who I was and what I wanted. I don’t know what made the decision, but I knew I was destined to be a ‘Yankee’. Well, in the eyes of a native Texan, ‘Yankee’ would be the accurate term.

God’s country, also called Norman, Oklahoma, is home to my alma mater and my self-discovery. The pages of the longest book ever written would not be enough to record all the lessons learned while attending the University of Oklahoma. The rich tradition and prestigious education make me forever proud to be Sooner born and Sooner bred.

Quickly after college, my life took an unfortunate detour containing a series of events that have brought me to the place I am today. Engagement, marriage, a big move to Fort Worth, Texas, followed shortly by divorce has caused me to spin around in circles in a matter of two, short years. When I married, I laid down the goals I had set for myself long ago. Part of that dream included earning my PhD. Perhaps good comes from everything, I’m still unsure if I believe this life philosophy, but I feel thankful to be able to pick up where I let off and begin the pursuit of Master’s degree.

Here I am today, blessed beyond what I could ever imagine; I have the best support system a graduate student could ask for. I’m surrounded by people who love and encourage me and who will hold me accountable for achieving my highest goals. “I press toward the goal for the prize…” Philippians 3:14