Standing Invitation: I'd Like to RSVP

By: Payton M. Ishmael
Sometimes I serenade my family and they laugh. They think I do it only for their entertainment. …if they only knew. Additionally, I’m a runner. My daily workouts zoom by as a sing along to the most random assortment of tunes on my iPod. As my playlist shuffled its ways to The Hinson’s, I couldn’t help but get excited about the Hallelujah Meeting. Let me break it down for you.
I’ve grown up Pentacostal. I’m not sure how I would have turned out if I had been raised any other way. I hear stories about holy ghost meetings that took place long before my time. I can remember being in middle school asking questions about how to get back to the ‘the old days?’ I deeply desired an experience of my own like the ones I heard so often of.
Although my experiences have been different than the history I’ve been told of, I’ve seen an outpouring of the spirit. I’ve witnessed God work in incredible ways. I’ve experienced God, His presence, and His companionship.
As I ran and sang along on my treadmill, I put the song on repeat, and each time it was a different line that gave me chills all over.
“I got more than just religion when Jesus saved my soul.”
It’s true. For at least, the first 20 years of my life, I felt sure that if you were affiliated with the Church of God, you got valet parking and VIP service in Heaven. However, denomination becomes no more than a logo and a doctrine to argue about in the grand scheme of things. Instead, it’s the salvation found deep down in our soul that provides the opportunity to the pass through the pearly gates.
“…and a standing invitation to a hallelujah spell.”
Can you imagine? I mean, really imagine. Not only will all the bad stuff go away; loneliness, hurt, worry, loss, pain, sickness. We get a daily dose of the good stuff; a standing invitation. That means it never goes away. We can bask in the presence of the Lord all day every day, we can experience daily a hallelujah spell!

I Will Not Go Quietly: Standing Up & Speaking Out

By: Payton M. Ishmael


In the 1960’s, the Supreme Court banned prayer in public schools. Today, the name Madalyn Murray O’Hair, founder of American Atheists, Inc. makes my blood bubble. The same sick feeling overwhelmed my being again this week when I read an article with the headline; “Students Kicked Off Campus for Wearing American Flag Tees.”
Before I get started, allow me to defend myself. The number one argument posed at people taking a stance for Christ or in favor of America is that we are not ‘cultured’ and we are not ‘open-minded.’ I’ve been sent completely around the globe to be ‘cultured.’ I’ve chosen to sit in churches outside my own denomination to learn about them. I love learning about people different than myself; those of different nationalities, religions, cultures. Just because I sometimes disagree with them, I’m not going to ridicule them or burn them at the stake. That being said, no, I do not take an offensive approach to those who live and believe differently than I do. By all means, embrace your differences.
That doesn’t mean, however, that I do not play defense. I love Jesus and I’m not intimidated one, single bit to tell anyone who asks me. I also take great pride in my country and feel a great deal of respect for the people who have and are protecting my freedoms as an American. Christianity isn’t perfect, but Christ is. Our government doesn’t always uphold the values we were founded upon, but that does not change the noble conception of this nation.
After reading the article, I learned that five high school students were sent home from school for wearing shirts with the American flag on them. I was livid. Kids get sent home from school? That’s not the worst thing that could happen, but if we allow this to pass, what’s next? If we sit back and shake our heads disapprovingly, what are we accomplishing? Benjamin Franklin once said that “Well done is better than well said.” We cannot go silently. If we’re going to see our kids, grandkids, and so forth grow up in a Patriotic America where they are not chastised for living for and loving Christ, we have to defend those values on our own. We can’t rely on state law makers in Austin nor politicians in D.C. We are responsible for being defenders of our own personal values. Take the first step, remind the leadership of Live Oak High School of the freedoms promised us.

Live Oak High School
1505 East Main Avenue
Morgan Hill, CA. 95037

A Generation Cries Out: Find Comfort in Your Own Skin

By: Payton M. Ishmael


Hurting hearts cry out everywhere and for some reason my ears are magnified to the cries of young girls. I know wonderful young ladies of all ages, a once-family member recently finished up her time as a sixth grader. Every couple of weeks, I used to get phone calls or text messages from her or one of her friends pouring out their precious, little hearts. I can’t help but hurt for them. Already, they are defining themselves by who their best friend is, which boy they are “going with” or the latest trends that clad their eating disordered bodies.
There are terms in our society loosely thrown around that shouldn’t be because their definitions have been warped and improperly used which has in turn produced a generation of amazing young girls who have no self confidence and who can’t find their self worth. Allow me to set the record and definitions straight.

BEAUTIFUL: YOU are beautiful. That’s right, you who are reading this; male or female; young or old; big or small. We were all created with a DIVINE hand, do you understand this? Embrace the features that make you unique. It doesn’t matter what anyone in the whole world says – beauty is more than skin deep.

COOL: Originally, this term described temperature. Now, it describes a certain type of people that everyone wants to be. Fortunately, we’re all so different… and that’s incredible. Just be YOU. Give up trying to be cool! I’d much rather be hot. J

LOVE: I explain the following after learning my own lessons. The cute classmate in middle school is probably not your life long companion. Yes, you may like a person enough to make your heart hurt. That’s precisely why the Bible tells us to guard our hearts. We can only be broken so many times. Take care of your heart. Don’t entrust it to just anyone.

Most importantly, live your life in a way that makes you proud to be you

Half of My Heart: I Can't Keep Loving You

By: Payton M. Ishmael


I enjoy a wide array of music; little bit of this, little bit of that. My favorite songs aren’t always the most uplifting, or the best musically, but rather that of lyrics to which I can relate. Guinevere by Eli Young Band, He’s Still Working on Me by The Hemphills, and Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison are just a few among many of my most favorites. Often times, I’m sure my interpretation of a song’s lyrics is much different than the artist’s intent. A prime example of this would be Half of My Heart by John Mayer.
“Half of my heart’s got a grip on the situation…” goes the song. Half of my heart truly does. Half of my heart trusts in the Lord. Half of my heart has faith that everything works together for good. Half of my heart is completely surrendered. Half of my heart is willing. Half of my heart is hungry for more. Half of my heart aims to be a blessing to the King. Unfortunately, it takes two halves to make a whole.
You see, the other half my heart wonders, “God, can you hear me up there?” The other half questions why bad things happen to good people. The other half of my heart has become a bit hard and bitter. Half of my heart seeks self advancement, as opposed to Kingdom advancement.
The song continues, “…I can’t keep loving you, oh, with half of my heart.” Although I feel certain that John Mayer wasn’t talking about his relationship with Christ, parts of that song became very real to me as I drove to work this week. I can’t continue to offer only half of me to God. He wants all of me just the way that He wants all of you.
How would life be if we were only half-way forgiven, half-way loved, half-way breathing? Just like everything else, our relationship with Christ really isn’t a relationship at all if it’s only ‘half-way.’ It’s time to search our souls to the deepest depth. Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart… There’s no small print at the bottom of that verse. It simply says ALL. In my journey to lay down more of me and find more of Him, I know that I can’t continue my journey to the King with only half of my heart.

One Worthy Woman: Meeting the Expectations of Proverbs 31

By : Payton M. Ishmael

“Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, riiiinnnngggg!” I walked in to my grandparents’ (Bro. & Sis. Ishmael) house only to hear the loud and obnoxious sound of a bell. I immediately found my way to the place the sound was coming from to see Poppy ringing a huge, brass bell. I wasn’t sure if it was acceptable to laugh, but I did anyway. “Poppy! Why in the Heavens are you ringing that bell?” I asked. Before he could answer, I was already thinking of ways to protect him from Anna. She has never come across to me as someone that you beckon with a brass bell. …but then he replied.

“Well, your Anna brought this in here in case I need something,” he said. This, in accord with the role she has played over the last week leaves me in complete admiration. All I can think about is the woman of Proverbs 31.’

Throughout his four day stay at the hospital, Anna never left Poppy’s side. I imagine that it takes great strength and courage to watch your husband wince in pain. Tears were the evidence to my heart’s ache. Anna, though, did her best to remain composed, serving as a good dose of optimism for our family and friends.

To confirm my suspicions that my grandmother is indeed THE Proverbs 31 woman, I flipped to the chapter and took a journey reading about all the attributes that compose this ideal woman.

In my opinion, Anna comes across as very classy and put together. Even at first glance, I feel certain that people can draw the conclusion that she’s a special lady. It’s truly extraordinary, though, that I find her description as I delve into scripture.

She’s trustworthy. She takes care of everyone. She provides the very best for her family. She works hard and always does her very best at everything she puts her hand to. She’s wise. She reaches out to people. She’s crafty. She keeps all of us in line and together. Her children (and grandchildren) respect her. Her husband cherishes her.

Many of us have amazing women in our lives just like Anna. We don’t give them near enough credit. As I watch Anna in action; carrying on with her day-to-day duties while also making sure that Poppy is well taken care of and as comfortable as possible in his recovery, I know that she is a Proverbs 31 woman. As Christian women, we have a standard set. We have a very specific description of the role we are to play. Just like many of you with your mothers and grandmothers, I feel truly blessed to have a Proverbs 31 woman to admire. Her shoes are entirely too big for me to fill, but I’ll certainly do my best to try.

Written for House of Prayer newsletter// May 2, 2010

Confessions of a Fallen Heart

By: Payton M. Ishmael

I’m probably the absolute world’s worst to admit when I’m wrong, to fess up, face the music or count my losses. I would go so far as to deem myself stubborn and bullheaded. But when spirituality, or even life depend on a humiliating confession, it’s time to stand tall and speak loudly.

“I don’t want go somewhere, if I know that you’re not there. Because I know that me without you is a lie.”

- Avalon

I’ve always considered the lyrics to that song as my personal mission, if you will. It’s the truth. With each new turn and decision I make there are two routes; with Christ or without Him. With my mouth, I choose to live life for and with my Savior. With my lifestyle and my thought process –, however, I’m sometimes ashamed.

My life without Christ, your life without Christ, anyone’s life without Christ is a life without joy, without hope, without eternity, without everything. We are created in His image to represent Him. Let’s be honest with ourselves, how great is that representation? I’m definitely not pointing the finger at you – but all ten fingers at myself.

The song continues… “So come what ever. I’ll stick with you. I’ll walk you, you’ll lead me."

What a lofty commitment, but one so desperately needed. Think of all the heartache, sickness, bitterness and of all the messiness of life that “what ever” encompasses. How bold, how crucial for us to decide in our minds, with our hearts and throughout our souls that no matter what we may face and regardless of what we are going through that our faith, hope and trust still lie in the mighty hands of the Father. It’s so simple to take my own path, remove the filter from my mind and live for me, but I get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about all that I’ll have to account for when I reach Heaven. No matter how great or small the injustices I’ve dealt, I’ll reap the shame before the gates.

Most things on this Earth are temporary. I see it more and more everyday. Computers and cell phones are lucky to make it to their first birthday. Many churches remain relatively young. Relationships are thrown out just like yesterday’s news. One thing is permanent though and that is eternity. Although we haven’t yet arrived at eternity, our current life is our preparation for our ultimate destination.

I hope you’ll work so hard with me to store up treasures, add jewels to our crowns and souls to the Book of Life. I don’t want to have to answer for sliding down into selfishness time and time again.

There you go. Nobody has reason to be embarrassed or ashamed. I admitted first that my life does and will always need to be closer and closer to the Lord. I assume we could all use some intimacy with our Creator. Find that time with him starting now. Improve that relationship beginning today. See you there.

Written for House of Prayer newsletter// April 25, 2010

Kisses from Heavens: Reminder's of God's Grace

By: Payton M. Ishmael

Tomboy was the best description of me as a child. Since then, I’ve become somewhat withdrawn from my favorite hobbies of yesteryear. With the arrival of spring, though, came new found happiness in old time interests. Throughout this discovery, I’ve felt kisses from Heaven.

It only takes a few moments outside the shelter of a roof to realize all of the ‘kisses’ Heaven sends our way; Daily reminders of God’s magnificent power and His endless love for us. As soon as my front door opens on a sunny day, I already know that for some unbeknownst reason, Heaven is smiling down.

I can’t get enough of being outside in the beautiful weather that we’ve been having, minus the allergies. Feeling the sunshine beam down might possibly be the best feeling in the world. How could we not feel His presence? Don’t get me wrong, mowing isn’t my favorite chore, but there’s something about the scent of a freshly cut lawn that adds to this season of life. How could we not sense His greatness?

I can’t put in to word’s the beauty of creation. I can't express the overwhelming feelings of peace and serenity that come with spending time with the Lord while meddling in the very Earth He created.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.

- Anne Frank

Written for House of Prayer newsletter //April 18, 2010

Behold, He Comes: The Observance of Palm Sunday

By: Payton M. Ishmael

Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion!
Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem!
See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.
I will take away the chariots from Ephraim and the war-horses from Jerusalem, and the battle bow will be broken.
He will proclaim peace to the nations.
His rule will extend from sea to sea and from the River to the ends of the earth

The dusty roads of Jerusalem are lined on both sides; the volume of the population is like that of a modern-day parade. People are waiting, watching in anticipation. The mood of the crowd combines that of love and of hate. Some watch with hatred, preparing to mock and jeer. Others watch full of love and adoration to the One soon approaching.
Finally, He becomes visible just this side of the horizon. Half of the crowd begins praising, “Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna!” Palm branches wave in the air and cover the streets, almost as if an ancient version of Hollywood’s red carpet. The people have made preparations for this day, the beginning of Holy Week. Today is the “triumphant entry” of Jesus into Jerusalem.


In the year 2010, it’s hard to imagine what life might have been like during the time that Jesus appeared on Earth as man. Today, many people also refer to ‘Palm Sunday’ as ‘Passion Sunday.’ Although I understand where the term ‘palm’ was derived from, ‘passion’ seems a much more fitting term.
In exactly one week, we will celebrate Easter Sunday. So calling the week ahead ‘Holy Week’ is something to ponder upon. If we were amidst the crowd so many years ago, this would be a week of great tragedy and tremendous victory. Nobody was apathetic. Some gladly joined the mob who scoffed at Jesus and His brutal crucifixion. Others, though, had shattered hearts as He cried out, “Father, forgive them.” Most blessed for all of us, is that those broken hearts were quickly mended at the end of the week.
Remember today the Palm embellished streets of Jerusalem. Remember today the triumphant entry of Christ. Remember this week, Holy Week, the grace provided to us today.

Written for House of Prayer newsletter// March 28, 2010

Invest Your Time: Discovering the ROI of Children

By: Payton M. Ishmael


Time daily becomes an increasingly more valuable resource. It's not uncommon to hear, “there just aren't enough hours in a day” or other expressions about a lack or shortage of time. I'm beginning to think that there must be a solution; a solvent to this worldwide epidemic and I believe it begins with our perspective on the clock's continuous tick.

Most of us wake up and spend the entire day hustling around trying to get a multitude of tasks accomplished. Have you ever realized that ALL of our tasks are urgent. As we rush from point A to point B going about our business – we forget about being about our Father's business. We allow our own schedules to blind us from the divine appointments placed in our paths. How will this wretched lifestyle ever change? How can we make this unending circle of chaos evolve into a lifestyle where worship is placed before works? I believe it begins with our children. It's easy to pass by someone who comes to your knees or even your waistline, but it's even easier for these short hearts to look up to us... and they all look up to someone.I had the opportunity a while back to see my cousin's son, Trenton, who was four at the time. “Payntninn (that's how he says my name), where's that scrapbook?” He asks with an alarmed look on his face. Several months ago, Trenton had created a beautiful arrangement of Sponge Bob, Mickey Mouse and smiley face stickers in a small, pocket-sized scrapbook. I was the lucky family member who he insisted keep the scrapbook.

As I explained to him that it was at home, he was delighted to know that I knew just what he was talking about. Then he went on and on about his next scrapbook he wanted to make. Children will talk to anyone who will listen. What an incredible way to spend our time and reverse the chaotic cycle of time we currently travel.At the end of the day, when our to-do lists are complete and finally get off our feet, what have we really done? What has truly been accomplished? Let's attempt to quit throwing time away by putting it into 'urgent matters' that really aren't so crucial and instead make an investment with our time... starting first with our children. The investment we make into this young and growing generation is one that will yield great profits, I feel certain. Thank you to the precious hearts and innocent minds who unknowingly bless our souls.

Written in 2007 for Freedom Force newsletter

Easier Said Than Done: Learning to Forgive

By: Payton M. Ishmael

“I hate you!” I still remember the day I spoke the piercing words to my mother. It was just another day that I didn’t get my way. Combined with all the pain she’d caused me, I believed my words were true. Our relationship was one tainted by drugs, neglect and lies among a host of other hurts.

Bitterness, jealousy, and hate found their resting place within me as a preteen. What I assumed was revenge on my mother and guarding myself from going through anymore of her deceit, turned out to be a spiritual disease of the heart. It affected my thought process and infected every relationship in my life.

I guess it was when I moved to Oklahoma that I was finally able to shut her out of my life enough that she could no longer let me down or disappoint me anymore. I just didn’t care. In place of all the feelings I once held towards her, was now a great void called ‘unforgiveness.’

“Create in me a clean heart, oh God,” I cried out in desperation from the chaotic mess my life was in. That’s when issues, some I never even knew I had, began to surface. Among the many was the unforgiveness that jaded my heart.

You see, as long as we hold onto these detrimental grudges, that section of our life is incapable of being filled with something the Lord wants to give us. It took me laying down my guard and my pride, but I expressed to my mother how I’d felt for so many years. I gave her a glimpse of the scars she caused on my heart. It was then that I began to see I was guilty of reciprocating hurt to her, only in much different ways. I avoided her when she was diagnosed with cancer. I refused to inform her of anything taking place in my life. I showed blatant disrespect to the very person who birthed me into this world.

I went to my mother seeking an apology so that I could rid myself of the unforgiveness. (Col 3:14) Instead, the healing began only as I confessed my wrong-doings. I’ve placed so much blame on her imperfections as a mother that I’ve overlooked my failures a daughter.

I’m not perfect. My mother is not perfect, and guess what else... you're not perfect either. If any of us were, there would be no need for forgiveness. We get hurt and we hurt others, whether intentional or unaware. So what do we do? We forgive. There's an amazing healing power that comes through the act of forgiveness.

Don't let unforgiveness become the captor of your heart. Forgive, forgive, and forgive some more. (Matt 18:21-22) The rewards and replacements of unforgiveness are immeasurable. Let it go and let he Lord refill you with something a new.

Written for House of Prayer newsletter: April 4, 2010

Be Still & Know: Sometimes We Progress the Most When We're Not Moving at All

By: Payton M. Ishmael
Panic. Despair. Confusion. Seeking answers. Longing for guidance. Begging for direction. Bowed before the King, impatiently looking to Him for the next step. “Now what, God? Where do you want me to go? What do you want me to say? Who do you want me to be? Which do you want me to choose? When do you want me to proceed? Why me? Why this?”
I’ve spent the last couple of months rekindle a relationship of intimacy with my King; Learning to let go of things that don’t matter, and instead fixing my attention on things with eternal value. The paragraph above paints a picture of my previous prayer life. I was an emotional basket case who feared the unknown and spent every moment of prayer seeking, “what’s next?”
Then something began to stir within me. My prayers ceased coming from my mind just as yellow ‘under construction’ tape wrapped itself around my heart. Now, as the Lord works on my heart, he has given my soul peace. I simply want to bask in His presence. I don’t need to know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I still want the Lord’s guidance and I wish it was easier for me to listen and heed his direction. However, knowing the ‘next step’ is no longer the primary meditation of my heart.
Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God.” Wow! What a joy to take delight in simply knowing that God is in control. It doesn’t matter what the next minute of the day brings. For so long, my prayer has been a one way street. I talk and talk and talk and talk. Rarely do I take the time to listen, and never have I made a habit of enjoying being in His presence.
One of my closest girlfriends and I joke that we know we know we’ve become great friends because we can sit outsides, each reading books; never talking but spending time together nonetheless. Now that I simply spend the time to ‘be still and know…’ I’ve seen more progress in my relationship with Christ than I ever did when it was one-way communication. “Prayer requires more of the heart than the tongue.” –Adam Clarke

Love, Schmove: When the Going Gets Tough, Get Tougher

By: Payton M. Ishmael
Okay, okay, okay! I admit it. As the elusive Saint Valentine’s Day began to sneak up on us, I cringed at the sight of Cupid (a half naked cherub), rose (which die in less than a week), and chocolate (I don’t even like chocolate). What’s the point? And for the anti-Valentine, what in the good Heavens can I write about in the paper to enlighten a church full of loving people? That’s when ‘KISS’ popped into my mind. Now we’re talking. The acronym stands for “Keep It Simple, Silly.” With simplicity in mind, I flipped over to the chapter of Love; I Cor. 13 with every intention to write a cliché article on how to love. After reading the chapter over 3 times, I changed my mind.
“Baby girl, you’re going to have to toughen up a little,” Poppy still tells me. Guess what church! Being a Christian does not make life on this Earth easy. It doesn’t exempt you from being hurt by the words and actions of the people around you. In fact, with the whole arrangement about how we’re supposed to lay down our pride and be humble… we might even be more susceptible to having our feelings hurt. So what do you do? You toughen up! Flex your muscles, grit your teeth, and face the issue head on. Now, that might work for some of you, but meet me after church and ask me to flex… for comedic relief.
I hear people say “you can mess with me, but don’t mess with my kids!” I don’t have kids, so I’m going to stick with “you can mess with me, but don’t mess with my baby brother.” It’s all the same, I can get frustrated with my loved ones, but don’t you dare.
We can’t fight our own battles every single tie. We must hold the Master’s hand and trust in His provisions and His guidance. Additionally, we must look out for our own. I Cor. 13 says ‘love protects’. I can recall many a time when my family came to my rescue. Poppy even had words with one of my former coaches. When we love people, we have a natural instinct to protect them from all harm. See, love doesn’t have to be all sappy after all.

Written February 14, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 5

All My Heart's Desires: Sometimes the 'Wanter' Simply Won't Break

By: Payton M. Ishmael

“I wish someone would break your ‘wanter’,” my grandparents have told me since infancy. I’m not sure if it’s true, but they tease that my first word was ‘maw-mart’ which is Paytonese for “Wal-Mart.” Just like you, there are things that I wish for. I feel certain that I could fill this entire newsletter with my current wish list; books for my Kindle, a sports car, a new Burberry bag and maybe some Chanel shoes would be first in line. For these things, and those similar, our wisest game plan is to cut frivolous spending and save, save, save.
There are different types of wants, however, that can’t be written on a list nor purchased from a store. Instead these longings fulfill the desires of hearts. Although they do not trump our basic needs for survival like air, food and water they nonetheless provide fulfillment to our lives. These ‘desires’ bring about long-term joy while those afore mentioned ‘wants’ bring only temporary satisfaction.
When I was young, I could nag relentlessly I hopes of attaining my latest ‘want.’ I see this with kids today too. After the initial ‘no’ there’s at least 10 minutes of pleased and often deal-making. I’m amazed at the long list of chores kids will commit to in order to get their way. Please remind me when I have children to hold out as long as I can… free house keeping.
Our hearts’ wishes, though, don’t work this way. No amount of begging, pleading, nagging, or promise making will provide the things our souls long for. The cure for loneliness can’t be purchased. The mending for a broken heart can’t be granted by our favorite aunt. The direction for a lofty goal can’t be achieved through even the most Godly pastor. Guidance through the tangled webs we weave doesn’t come from mommy, daddy, sister nor husband. In fact, it’s much easier than that. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
I urge you to hear me out even if you don’t ever listen to me again. When you allow the Lord to take residence in your heart, everything else falls perfectly and divinely into place.

Written February , 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 4

Prayer Changes Things: A Time-Old Cliche That Still Rings True Today

By: Payton M. Ishmael

Hanging in my kitchen is a sign that reads, “Prayer Changes Things.” It seems like an obvious response to that time-old saying is simply, “Well, duh!” If you operate the way I do, however, many things in life are easier said than done.
It seems the world is always searching; searching for acceptance, searching for love, searching for fortune. Others search aimlessly, not quite certain of what they’re looking for but positive that something is missing and longing to be fulfilled with the unknown ‘missing piece’.
I have self-diagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I thrive on planning, structure, and routine. As a teenager, I had life figured out completely. I knew exactly what I was going to do with my life and worked with great determination to make it happen. I like to be in control, I think I inherited that from your lovely pastor’s wife. Fortunately, my control over my life and my perfectly thought-out plans turned in to a heap of trouble and a mess far too big for me to clean up. “Where can I go but to the Lord?”
I’ve always believe d in the power of prayer, but when times get tough and life gets hard, why does it take being at my wits end before I get on my knees?
I’m truly amazed by God. I stand in awe at His willingness to listen to us. When I need something, I have people that I confide in… Poppy, Anna, and my dad are excellent to listen to me and to provide guidance but there’s a delay in communication even today’s modern world. There’s always the risk of human error I their advice. How truly blessed are we that our Father knows our prayers before we even speak them? How incredibly fortunate are we to serve a gracious God who puts us in the right spot at the perfect time?
We approach the throne of grace clad indifferent life experiences. Some of us are filled with bitterness, hate, or jealous. Many of us seek repair for broken hearts or divine healing. Don’t let your troubled spirit be weary my brothers and sisters, prayer changes things. Don’t expect to leave the altar unchanged.

Written January 31, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 3

Don't Act Your Age: Approaching Life With Child-Like Faith

By: Payton M. Ishmael

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them falling to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe with Faith Like a Child
– Jars of Clay

Who knew that life lessons could be learned from a week’s worth of adventures with a 2 and 6-year-old! Particularly enlightening were the conquered feats of the wobbling 2-year old. In celebration of his 2nd birthday, his father bought him a battery-operated 4-wheeler that clearly stated, “Not for children under 3.” To my surprise, however, he drove the machine like a professional. Someone forgot to tell him he wasn’t old enough to be capable to drive that 4-wheeler.
All good things must come to an end. Unfortunately for the kiddos, this includes play-time. As both children pouted their way inside the house, the 4-wheeler was subsequently parked in the hall way. The 2-year old wasn’t taking ‘no’ for an answer, as most of you have probably experienced before. Instead, he proceeded to push the 4-wheeler up and down the hall. Someone forgot to tell him he wasn’t strong enough to move a 4-wheeler.
There are many instances where a person has achieved great things after being told they weren’t fast enough, smart enough, strong enough, or capable. You’ve already heard the multitude of celebrities, among the ranks of Michael Jordan. These people are the exception, not the rule. I can only imagine the triumphs if “I can’t” and “you can’t” were non-existent. Since, instead, they are a part of our daily speech, we have to choose to ignore this language of defeat and choose to have faith like a child.
Having child-like faith isn’t only beneficial, it’s necessary. “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of Heaven.” Matt. 18:3 We are capable of so much more than we expect of ourselves and far more than what others think. Forget the limitations and boundaries that have been placed around your potential. Instead, approach like a child believing that “with God, all things are possible.” Matt. 19:26
Reconstruct your thought process. Think more like the 2-year-old conquering feats of a 3 year old on a 4-wheeler. “Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.” Matt: 18:4 Strive for greatness. Have faith like that of a brave, 2-year-old conqueror.

Written March 20, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 10

Our Time is Limited: Making a Difference With Those Our Paths Cross

By: Payton M. Ishmael

“We don’t know how long we have with these kids,” said my principal from last year. I landed my first, official teaching job as a middle school English teacher at Glenview Christian School. Being a private school, our turnover rate was abnormally high. The desire for parents to provide their children with a competitive education increased enrollment numbers just as a shattering economy caused some to withdraw. In the weekly staff meeting, the principal always emphasized, “We don’t know how long we have these kids.”
This week has brought a whole new meaning to that. Think about all the people you meet each day; whether it’s a passing ‘hello’, a quick conversation, or an in-depth talk. If you’re like me, you think nothing of it. In reality, each of these instances has the possibility to change someone’s life.
A TCU girl was found dead in her home early in the week. At the time of writing this, an official cause of death still has not been issued. Although I do not know this student, our paths have crossed. We share common acquaintances and we have met. Her death leaves an entire organization of women wondering, “What could I have done?”
You see, comparable to the high turnover rate at the small, private, Christian school I taught at last year is the high turnover of the people who come in and out of our lives. Facing reality and coming out of the ‘bubble’ we like to live in will enlighten any one of us to think to a deeper thought of, “How can I help this person? What can I do to show this stranger that I care?”
By showing kindness and love, another person’s life could be completely changed. We’re not all-knowing. There’s no way to even fathom what other people are facing. It seems more times than not, those facing the greatest trials are those who remain the quietest. It’s important to reach out to those people, to seek out and comfort broken hearts, to encourage those feel like giving up and to love those who feel completely unlovable.

Written January 24, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 2

Reframing Eve: Memoirs from Me

By: Payton M. Ishmael

Dear Eve,
I’m truly irritated by you. Because of your life-changing bad decision, I change into 8 different outfits every morning before I leave the house. Additionally, I understand that I will be in excruciating pain IF I ever procreate.
Sincerely, Payton

I’m in the midst of reading Twelve Extraordinary Women. Please imagine the initial disgust that I felt when I read that Eve was selected by this obviously confused author. …and then I read about her.

I imagine that Eve was beautiful. I bet she was perfectly toned, had flawless skin, and no split-ends. However, I couldn’t find any physical descriptions of her in the Bible. In fact, judging by the information that is included about her, I’d say that being God’s ‘ideal woman’ has nothing to do with outward appearance, but with character.

Eve was a ‘source of joy and gladness to her husband.’ I don’t think many women can boast the same. She completed Adam’s existence. Wow! That alone seems admirable to me. Then, we know Eve had Cain, Abel, and Seth. Three kids may seem like a lot of labor, but we learn in Genesis 5:4 that after Seth, Adam lived 800 years and had sonS and daughterS (emphasis added). I’m no Bible scholar, but I assume that means Eve birthed quite a few kiddos. Lord bless her! Can we get an ‘amen’ from all the mothers?

I don’t have to tell you that Eve got herself into a little predicament. The further she strayed from Adam’s side, the more she was tempted. There’s a lesson to be learned here, even today. The further we stray from the Lord’s side, the more we will be tempted. It’s as simple as that. As a result of my new found knowledge on Eve, I decided to rewrite my letter.

Dear Eve,
Many congrats on birthing a family and populating the Earth. I want you to know that even though you have a bad rap for eating the forbidden fruit, I still think you’ve proven to be quite a stand-up woman. I read all about your temptation. I don’t agree with your decision, but I understand the struggle between knowing what’s right and doing what’s wrong. I don’t know how many people could have stood their ground under such great temptation. Additionally, the whole idea of being a ‘helper’ to your husband and being submissive to his leadership is almost a lost art in this modern day world. Kudos to you Eve!
Sincerely, Payton

Written March 14, 2010 for House of Prayer newsletter Vol. 1 Issue 9

Introducing: Me. Welcome to my Blog

“You must overcome your heredity,” my grandfather, whom I call Poppy told me my entire life. I’m the product of teenage passion. Growing up, I lived two very different lifestyles. There was Payton Michele, the poor girl on free-lunch who lived in the projects and starved for attention when I was with my mother. Then, there was the pampered princess with high expectations, a Godly raising, and the latest designer handbag with my father and his side of the family. Inspired by my double lifestyle, I use my family's expectations and my personal fear of failing as the fuel for my success.

I can’t exactly remember where my story began. The memories of my childhood are comparable to a slice of Swiss cheese. All the happy times remain, while the struggles eat away little holes at an otherwise piece of perfection. After my parents divorced, I had to be ‘a big girl.’ To me, being a big girl wasn’t as simplistic as putting my toys away. Instead, I felt an inherent need to take care of Landon, my epileptic baby brother. I had the mentality that you could pick on me all you wanted, but if you wanted to degrade Landon, I was willing to be like David facing the giant. Three physical retaliations and three days of in-school suspension later, Landon’s bullies knew that he wasn’t to be messed with.

Don’t be fooled, I wasn’t ‘Miss Tough Stuff.’ There was still my other way of life embellished with happy memories. With my grandparents, Anna and Poppy, are some of the most precious pastimes; Falling asleep curled up with Poppy in his study, licking the spoon while Anna baked all my favorite desserts, traveling the world and countless heart-to-heart talks that not only allowed my dear grandparents to give me guidance, but allowed me to grow both spiritually and mentally. Pastors, mentors and best friends, I consider them to this day. Joy also came via my daddy. We have the most unique relationship of any father/daughter duo in the world, and I say that proudly. As a little girl, he read Three Billy Goats Gruff to me over and over and over. I feel certain he has the story memorized and he probably deserves at least partial credit for my obsessive reading habit. Since then, he has been a silent, steady support in all my life’s endeavors. Although his words of wisdom come seldom, they speak volumes when spoken. In addition to this vital trio, is a host of friends and family who have helped shaped ‘Payton.’

The timeline of my life is most easily measured by educational achievements. There was the thrill of reading in kindergarten when I finally conquered the word O.K. After weeks of pronouncing the word ‘ock’, I deemed myself a genius when it finally registered as ‘okay.’ In second grade, I learned that creative writing wasn’t just my favorite subject, but it was a strength, a passion and an avenue of release to express the heartache and happiness my soul felt. Shortly after this discovery, I ‘published’ my first book. It was about a bunny; I dedicated and gifted it to Anna and Poppy. Bouncing around from school to school with each of my mother’s marriages helped me develop a knack for making friends quickly. This was crucial throughout the sixth grade. In seventh grade, I finally settled into Edgewood, Texas and remained there throughout high school graduation.

Junior high and high school was the same for me as it is for most east Texas teenagers; awkward, dramatic and full of planning for the next step. I decided my next step would be to attend college at Lee University. To get acquainted with the campus, I participated in the University’s Summer Honors program. The summer before my senior year of high school, I lived in a dorm in Tennessee and began my college courses. In addition to learning how to apply the Bible to pop culture and how to communicate with the opposite sex, I also learned that I didn’t want to spend four of the most of important years of my life in Cleveland, Tennessee. The next year was one of chaos, confusion and indecision as I searched and prayed for God’s will in my life. I feel certain that I ‘donated’ deposits to a handful of institutions with intentions of attending for my undergraduate education. My grandparents saved the day once again when they sent me to Europe in the summer of 2003. I can’t remember if I was high atop a mountain in Switzerland, strolling along the streets of Berlin, or sitting at an outdoor café in the heart of Rome when I discovered a little more about who I was and what I wanted. I don’t know what made the decision, but I knew I was destined to be a ‘Yankee’. Well, in the eyes of a native Texan, ‘Yankee’ would be the accurate term.

God’s country, also called Norman, Oklahoma, is home to my alma mater and my self-discovery. The pages of the longest book ever written would not be enough to record all the lessons learned while attending the University of Oklahoma. The rich tradition and prestigious education make me forever proud to be Sooner born and Sooner bred.

Quickly after college, my life took an unfortunate detour containing a series of events that have brought me to the place I am today. Engagement, marriage, a big move to Fort Worth, Texas, followed shortly by divorce has caused me to spin around in circles in a matter of two, short years. When I married, I laid down the goals I had set for myself long ago. Part of that dream included earning my PhD. Perhaps good comes from everything, I’m still unsure if I believe this life philosophy, but I feel thankful to be able to pick up where I let off and begin the pursuit of Master’s degree.

Here I am today, blessed beyond what I could ever imagine; I have the best support system a graduate student could ask for. I’m surrounded by people who love and encourage me and who will hold me accountable for achieving my highest goals. “I press toward the goal for the prize…” Philippians 3:14